If you’re burying your parents, you’ll almost certainly have a funeral during this wait—bodies get gross pretty quickly, even with embalming. But even if your parents are cremated, you may prefer to have some kind of memorial during this time rather than waiting.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a funeral in 2021 was $7,848. This is where life insurance money comes in handy—but you won’t be able to get your hands on it until after you have the death certificates, so you’ll have to pay yourself back.

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of considerations in your new role as goth party planner:

Location

Funeral homes are an obvious choice. They know what they’re doing, and they cover many of the elements you’d have to do on your own if you held the memorial elsewhere—seating, guestbook, etc. The downside? They’re not always cost effective, and there are fewer opportunities to personalize the experience.

If your parents were religious, you may want to hold a service at their place of worship. Get in touch with that place of worship—they’ll be able to walk you through the details. Often people hold a get-together after these services for food and reminiscences—usually at someone’s house, but it could be a restaurant, too.

You could also hold a memorial elsewhere—a community center, a restaurant, a park. This might not work if you have a body in a coffin to deal with, but people don’t usually object to an urn. It can be nice to think outside the box! We hosted my mom’s memorial in a tent outside the bar/restaurant our family frequented over the years, and catered it with her favorite pizza.

One more thing: you can care for the body and hold a funeral in your own home. It is legal in every U.S. state—though some have different requirements for making it happen. If you’re interested, The Order of the Good Death has some resources.

Invitations

Unless your parents kept a meticulous address book, invitations can be tough. I had more success contacting people on Facebook or through my parents’ phones, getting their email addresses, and sending e-vites via Paperless Post. Remember to invite your friends, too! You deserve the support.

Flowers

If you want flowers at the funeral or memorial, it’s best to go through a local florist—they’re usually cheaper than then national online florists, and they’re better able to cater to your preferences. My mom loved irises, but they were out of season during her memorial; our local florist managed to work some into the arrangements anyway, and she didn’t charge us extra for the privilege.

People will try to send flowers! Too many flowers! If you want to discourage them, say something like this in the invitations: In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to [CHARITY] in [YOUR PARENTS]’s name.

Food

Whenever one holds a large gathering of people, those people expect to be fed. Funeral homes may have partners they work with to provide hors d’oeuvres, but maybe not—you should ask. If you’re holding a gathering at your home (or another relative’s home), you may opt to make food or cater food. If you’ve decided to host at another location—a restaurant or a golf club or a park—they probably have specific menus that you’ll need to select from, and this can get expensive. It just depends on the kind of experience you want to provide!

Keep in mind that some guests may have food allergies or dietary preferences; you should try to have at least a few things everyone can eat.

Guestbook

Just as newlyweds want folks to sign a guestbook on the happiest day of their lives, most people provide a guestbook on the most depressing day of their lives, too. But it’s worth it—people will write down memories of your parents that you’ll enjoy reading later. Blank guestbooks are easy to find online.

Pictures

To the basement! Go through those boxes and boxes of family photos and find some gems. Affix said gems to a piece of poster board (readily available at most drugstores or office supply stores) that you can display at the memorial—or put them in an album that people can flip through.

You can also ask friends and relatives to provide more pictures—they’re usually happy to share. The internet can be a good source, too. My parents weren’t really on social media, but yours might have been.

Memorial Cards/Prayer Cards

If you’ve ever attended a memorial at a church or funeral home, it’s common to provide guests with small cards as a sort of party favor. On one side is a picture of the deceased, their full name, and their birth/death dates. On the other side is a quote—often a prayer or Bible passage in Christian services, but I’ve seen plenty with poems or other quotes.

If you’re working with a funeral home, they probably have a system in place to get these for you. But you can also hop on a site like Vistaprint or Moo and design your own using the business card templates.