More tips for the not-quite-dead

After listening to two great episodes about thanatology—the study of death and dying—on the Ologies podcast, I realized that I’m not only an accidental expert in dead parents. I’m also an accidental expert in not-quite-dead parents!

That’s why I revamped the Are your parents not quite dead? page to include information about hospice care. The list of questions to ask your not-quite-dead parents—which I have rechristened the to-die list—is still there, but now you can also learn about the many frightening yet totally normal things your parents may do while actively dying.

My writing is noticeably less funny in the hospice section. That’s because seeing my parents in hospice was way more traumatic than seeing them die. To be clear, my experience has nothing to do with the hospice workers, who are better at their jobs than anyone has ever been at any job. And I recognize that there are worse ways my parents could have died than surrounded by their loved ones, having their pain and anxiety closely managed by caring professionals.

Nevertheless, the active dying period is something no one prepares you for, and it is difficult to watch. My parents reached out and grabbed at nothing. When I told my parents I loved them, they rebuked me. Both of them! On their deathbeds!!

Honestly, all the paperwork is kind of a relief after that.

Hopefully the new section on hospice care can at least provide you with a solid heads up as your parents move closer to death.